Change is good...

I got a hair cut.
Yep, not just a trim... an actual cut and it's so different than what I've been doing for many, many years.
First: I have bangs! Ok, so that's really the only big change.
It's still longish, still the same colour, and still unruly at times, but I wanted to try something fashionable and daring for me - not quite sure why.
I love my stylist too - Ana. She's fun and young and, dare I say, hip.
I just thought I needed a change and she helped me get there. Maybe it's the impending spring vibe on the air, or just needing a boost during this last stretch of winter, or simply growing out of what I had before.

Tomorrow I'm going shopping for a hair straightener and experimenting with ways to manage my new hair - Wish me luck!

...Slacker!

Yes, I said it, I'm a slacker.
People don't think I am - I'm lucky that the outside world is all about this image. Once upon a time I thought I had a be perfect, until I figured out there were ways around it. I could provide the perception of perfection without putting in 110%. Who will notice but me... likely no one.
Then I started to notice it was closer and closer to 100%, then 90%, and so on... and now I'm a full-blown slacker.
I have a hard time focusing on any one thing at a time - causing me to occasionally loose my keys, pick-up things that aren't mine, and generally question if my brain is even operating at full capacity.
And now I'm continuing to slack on my BLOG and off to not focus on something else...

Really? I thought I had...

Sometimes I'm forgetful...
I thought I had made a post since the turn of this new year, but somehow, not.

oops.

Blessing you with a wishful 2007...

A new year - welcome to it.
How do you feel?
Did you make any resolutions? - or are you skipping the disappointment phase?
Do you think resolutions can help create better people? - or just bitter?
I like to think they do good not bad.

I did o.k. with my 2006 resolutions on whole. Apparently the most effective resolutions can be for anything as long as you create goals and track your success as you go - keep them posted and updated as to your progress (or set backs) and it might help to keep you motivated. I feel that somewhere mid-year I stopped putting much effort into many aspects of my life and feel like I've kind of let myself down.
Perhaps that is one reason why my 2007 didn't start out with positive thoughts.

That said, here is my first version of my 2007 Resolutions (which reads more a to-do list):
1) less spending overall - perhaps even get to the point that I'm saving
2) be more fit and physically active
3) eat more healthy foods and cook different meals
4) find suitable health plan coverage and take care of myself
5) get crafty and creative and finish projects I start
6) organize and downsize items in my space (at work and at home) and get tenant insurance
7) seek out good times with friends and be a better listener and friend in general
8) build my MC and DJ work into something profitable
9) continue with the Special Events classes and other learning oppotunities
10) enjoy and learn from the boards and committees I'm a part of
11) find the ever evasive new job - or at least find something fulfilling in my current job
12)

I always think it's a good idea to have one resolution for each month so I've left one space for things that might happen to come up on the future, but maybe I'm thinking too much again.

burn bright little light inside my head... don't let me miss you while I'm sleeping...

I'm spoiled...

I did not get socks. Too bad I was really looking forward to it too!
I did see, or speak, with a few people that I have been out of touch with, in addition to visiting with my family. I did also receive a few items of clothing for work and play; in addition to a printer (for general b/w and photos) - which I haven't even completely set-up and tested yet; some sweets and some sweet cash for whatever my hear desires.
Also, a very beautiful gift I received is useful, shiney, and handmade - a silver bracelet from my Mom. I've already worn it quite a bit and had many compliments - MY MOM MADE IT!

Also, something very exciting (and a little scary) for me - Mike and I will be taking a trip together to somewhere hot in February, filling my bleak mid-winter void, which hasn't been terrible yet - what with all the plus temperature weather and all...

I also received a few items that will help me to save money (hopefully) - now onto the New Years Resolutions.

Anyone out there a finiancial planner working for free? Didn't think so...

All I Need for Christmas...

So there is the whole idea of the 'Buy Nothing Christmas' swimming around in the back of my head. I'm trying to get my mind organized into determining just how I would be able to make it happen when:

1. I've already purchased some gift items for people - I did start early on some thoughts of what they would like
2. there are just the odd few that could never appreciate what I can create within my limited resources and abilities
3. what if I want something bought for me?

All that said, I do have a list in my mind (and thought it was on my computer somewhere) of what I might enjoy receiving (anything is truly a gift - trust me). Those thing I don't really want or need - bewarned - they might be re-gifted to you (do unto others - very appropriate for this time of the year).

"NEEDS"

• socks (not wool, soft good, dressy and warm both good options; no holes might be a good look for me
• a gathering with friends (this is definitely needed, especially with those friends I have not seen in a while)

"WANTS"

• pj's (who doesn't want new ones every year?)
• external hard drive + fire wire (for storing MP3s & DJing from my laptop)
• gift cards/certificate/cash money (always acceptable)
• something hand-crafted (I do have a terrible limitation of floors and shelf space)
• black dress shoes (flat, plain, black)
• winter boots (flat, plain, black - yup I'm basic - but make these suckers water/snow proof!)
• laptop camera (just for the fun of it)
• clothes (mostly for work, but mostly anything would likely be accepted)
• movies or music (there are many of each that I would very much enjoy - Music = City in Colour/Dallas Green)
• books (I'm a fan of cheesy chick novels - see Red Dress Ink - and murder mysteries)
• filing cabinet for all my paper crap (preferably something not weighing a metric tonne)
• a printer (hopefully that can do really good photos and general b/w printing)
• a vacation from the bleak mid-winter (even pale Heather could use a little sun now and again)
• artwork for my walls (I am not an abstract fan but do love Art Deco style everything)
• dinner out with Mike (because we always have the best time getting dressed up and well fed)
• a hair cut (yup, it made the list - any additional spa like treatments will be gratfully accepted as well)
• a new job (something that would allow me to keep my position on the Tourism Hamilton Board of Directors)
• a house (we all know I could easily fill one up)

"NOT WANTS"

• knick knacks (I am really limited in space here folks - no other way to tell ya)
• bath stuff (I'm 'sensitive' to most of the fragrance/colour in the lotions and potions these days)
  

My Grandmother is 90...

My Birthday - A 360 degree View of my World...

A surprise trip for my birthday with my boyfriend (Mike) to the CN tower restaurant - 360.

Observation deck. Handsome man. Great food. What more could I want?

Not a long weekend without a run in with the law...

Warm weather even makes little red-headed, fair skinned me, want to go to the beach for the day. So we did... Gwen and Scott, Mike and I - Turkey Point on Lake Erie.

I was excited; I had never been there before.

Though it wasn't a glaring sun (which I consider to be a good thing), it was still a hot day. The people at the beach were entertaining and fun to watch. I enjoy people watching in general, and when sea-doos, swimsuits, pails and sand are involved, it can be fun to peek out from my sun glasses and catch glimpes of their lives.

Apparently however, we were the entertainment for some on the beach... us and our green bottles - well, not me because I was driving...

Gwen had gone to the trouble of preparing a picnic lunch for us to enjoy, supplying some beverages in green bottles.

He approached.

We narrowly avoided tickets for drinking in public, and were told very sternly about the idea of brining glass onto the beach. Whether it was the good taste, or the fact that we weren't walking around with the bottles; we'll never know What we will know is not to do it next time (without plastic cups).

Travelling, travelling, oh - how fun it is...

Imagine me; a large, emerald blue, camping backpack - with a tent, sleeping bag, and clothes inside it.

Now, if you can; imagine my trek to Toronto Union Station via GO bus on a Friday evening taking much longer than anticipated, and me missing my connections to get 'home' to Orangeville for the weekend.
Refunds, wincing, odd looks - I had it all that night.
My parents were away until later that evening, so completely unreachable (get a new cell phone! - not that I ahve a celly anymore either). I was to meet my Aunt Lenora in town and hang out with her for a few hours until my parents could come and get me from there. Consequently, missing connections throws the whole schedule off, and I had to get a hold of her to cancel. Of course, I don't have her number with me because I am brilliant. Call my grandparents (who live next door to my parents), requesting that they pass on a message to Lenora. She gets the message a little scrambled, like and actual game of telephone, and figures I'm trapped somewhere.
The worry starts within the households.
I call and leave a message on my parents machine, get a refund for the rest of my trip, debate turning around and going back home to Hamilton, follow my frustration through, and ultimately hop on a bus bound for Brampton. I end up at Bramlea City Centre - I used to go shopping there when I was a teenager but it's not the same now - especially when your feet hurt, not from shopping - but from weight, and you don't know where any of the stores are anymore.
The odd looks I got as a teenager are still there - but I figure it's the giant, blue backpack.
Where is the best place to go until late at night when you family might be able to come and rescue you? The movies. I call and leave a message on my parents machine. I catch a Brampton city bus (for 50 cents - what a deal!) to the Boivard and 410 'Trinity Commons' shopping area.
One step closer to home... kind of. I am now at least somewhere that has food, entertainment, and won't kick me out until my movie is over - thank you Famous Players! What can you do when you're stuck a $100+ cab ride from home? Take yourself (and your backpack) to the movies - it's actually a pretty cheap date: doesn't eat, gets a free seat in the theatre, doesn't talk during the movie...
I call and leave a message on my parents machine. I threaten that if I don't see them when the movie lets out at 12:30am, I am setting up my tent in the field behind the movie theatre and they can find me in the morning.
Now I wait.
By the way, The Break Up made me cry, but I'm not sure it was the movie.
I get out of the movie and am greeted by a security guard (gotta love them), who lets me know my Mother is looking for me - Do you think the giant blue back pack tipped him off as to who I was? What a relief!
Travelling back much less traumatic - thank you Stephanie Carter...
All I can say: smart is one thing - applying your smarts, and being resourceful are entirely separate tasks.

Tensions and drama queens...

What I've learned recently about the world:
I had everything right in kindergarten.
People can be mean for no apparent reason.
Don't trust anyone with your stuff.
Also, you generally have to give to get any of the following: love, respect, honesty, money, trouble, trust.

I'm not saying that these are the only rules to live by and that everyone on earth is like this, but from time to time I get wrapped up in my mostly drama-free world and forget about all the people out there that like to stir the metaphorical pot and turn up the heat.

This past weekend, I was attempting to enjoy the long weekend with a backyard bash with bands and friends, drinks and snack, antijitos and cupcakes... I had limited success in the enjoyment of the fun times department, however.

Another thing to add to the list of what I've recently learned:
Always encourage late night snacking when people are drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

I just don't understand people somedays. I feel like an alien watching others experience emotions and get out of control. Perhaps because I am a bit of a control freak I see the absolute chaos, and I want to make it stop, make it settle, make it calm and directed. I find getting out of control and pulling hair over glance, or a harsh word to be ridiculous. Is that because I'm older now - no, I can't quite recall acting like that when I was younger either.

What I really can't stand is people who start the kerfuffle with the expectation of having others dive right into the mess they created to help them, not actually solving anything but creating a larger and more sinister situation that, for some reason, seems to only be stopped (not even solved) with violence.

I just don't understand people!

Are You Free?

Since I do not have a ton of money to go around, I find myself giving more and more of my time. This is a concept lost completely on those even just 10 years younger than I - simply put by many who do volunteer: "They don't know what they're missing!"
When you give your time for volunteering, you give yourself, your heart, your passion, your enthusiasm, and you can get back so much more than a receipt in the mail.This past weekend was DOOR OPEN HAMILTON - the fruits of my labour. I sat on a small committee, as the volunteer co-ordinator, trying to make a difference in the minds of many, about the importance of history and architecture in my city. Though we were up in visitor numbers (a great leap of %54!), we had no more volunteers to place at the 45 sites we had now expanded to, than we did when we had 35 sites or less in past years.
I took some time in my travels from site to site to listen to 'my volunteers', many of whom made an effort to attend our training event in advance of the weekends festivities. On the day of, some were overwhelmed, some were excited, and some just didn't show up to perform the 'job' they had committed to.
Perhaps that is where is lacks - they want to get something back from it, but don't see all the great benefits that can happen along the way. Many of the volunteers who didn't show were students who are in need of their mandatory volunteer hours to graduate high school. If they had any concept of how little time 40 hours really is, they could have easily met the requirements of graduation with just 10 hours each year in school. Knowing that many of the high school students are also working part-time jobs, making it difficult for them to find time to volunteer, we are an easy target. Do these students expect glowing reports to their guidance cousellors regardless of their attendance? Do they expect that we wouldn't notice an entire person missing from our contingent?
I also took time this weekend to speak with members of the Lady Hamilton club, posted at the Tourism Hamilton downtown office. They are retired, have great stories, extremely friendly, connect with the community of a daily basis, and have many new friends found through the avenues of volunteering.
The down side I can see to volunteering is the eventual 'over-involvement' it creates- once you say "yes", it's hard to remember how to say "no", and before your know it, you are committed (in more ways than one)! This leads to burn-out, and general depression with the system and people around us. If more people actively volunteer for 40 hours each year, we can all have more tie to do the things we enjoy.
A wise person (co-worker Brian Kelly) also told me, "If you are always working for free, pretty soon people will think that's the value of your work." It's awfully hard to change a mind of someone who you have been volunteering for, from free to $$...
Where is it being lost on the youth of today, that volunteering can be so rewarding? Is demanding 40 hours from our students enough? Should it start younger than grade 9? How much of this learned behaviour? Where did I first realize that giving of your time is as valuable, if not more, than give of your money? How can we help everyone to see that volunteering can benefit each and every human, animal, and plant on this earth?
If you want to volunteer or learn more about the benefits of doing so, check out:
www.volunteerhamilton.on.ca
www.volunteer.ca
www.givingandvolunteering.ca
www.canadiancareers.com/volunteering.html

Days gone by...

Easter weekend for me is usually a time for family and friends - This year was no different.

I rented a car for the 4 days off work and went to business! Treking to O-town (Orangeville for those that do not know the orgin of me), and then making a trip to Orillia mid weekend for a birthday party as well. (see photo of old guy Joe Amos and me)
Though it's not every day I get the chance to visit those I miss the company of... especially when requests for my presence are frequent. I'm not saying I'm miss popular, though I do have quite a few friends. It's just good to know; I am appreciated, loved, and wanted. I am very thankful for the opportunity to travel to see everyone I am not near on a regular basis.
Friendships renewed, new friends, digital photos - I had it all. Orillia was a gathering of friends from College, and people I did not know, until then. I may be tired, but it was worth the time and energy to see those I care for.

I'm blessed. Thank you.

Emotional being... More to the Story!

Isn't it funny how when one gets something in his or her head, one is more likely to see the world applying to or directing you to that path or train of thought.

Just a few days after my last post "Emotional being...", I came across the most intersting television show on CBC. Now, the fact is that I don't have cable. I grew up fine with little eye damge from wathcing perfectly lovely, but fuzzy, TV. I actually feel get better shows than what people 'settle for' when surfing for something interesting on cable. I also find cable very expensive, but this is another tangent for another day, so I digress.

The show?... yes, the show! I stumbled across it and want to watch the rest of the series, titled WAR OF THE SEXES
EPISODE 3: EMOTION
Sunday March 26
While it's clear that men and women aren't the same when it comes to expressing their emotions, we're still a long way from understanding why. And the stakes couldn't be higher; more marriages fail than ever before due to what some experts call an "emotional gap" between the sexes. Researchers have found that men and women use their brains in fundamentally different ways as they feel, receive and decode emotions. To see how these differences play out, three men and three women participate in an acting and improvisation workshop where their emotions are front and centre.

In watching this comparison between the genders, discussing stereo types, inherited traits, and learned strategies for dealing with people and processes, I started to examine my own emotions and reactions much more closely. For exmaple, this blogger just wiped out half of my post, and I had to do it all over again, so now I have somehow missed including an entire paragraph, thus an entire thought I had in here before. I have no control over it; cannot get it back; so I resign myself to continue with my day in an attempt to not be mean to anyone but the blogger - As I was saying, before I was so rudely interupted by my blogger system... I found that as a child I mimicked both the female and male memebers of my clan. this could explain why sometimes, when making decisions, or in social settings, I feel myself reacting differently, more femine or more masculine, in the strictly typical terms.

Perhaps it was the farm upbringing?

Emotional being...

I am not entirely sure how to define emotions for myself, yet they seem to have a strange, and powerful, force over me many days... leading me to negotiate a tricky path, or pushing me along towards satisfaction.

Emotion, in its most general definition, is a neural impulse that moves an organism to action, prompting automatic reactive behavior that has been adapted through evolution as a survival mechanism to meet a survival need.

Clearly, by this 'general' definition, I am not getting much more than what I have already gathered through experience about what exactly emotion can actually be definied as... Do I already know what I need to know about emotions? What about my emotions; is an emotion defined only by the one experiencing it?

Emotion is differentiated from feeling, in that, as noted, emotion is a psycho-physiological state that moves an organism to action. Feeling, on the other hand, is emotion that is filtered through the cognitive brain centers, specifically the frontal lobe, producing a physiological change in addition to the psycho-physiological change.

Ok, so now I am leanring some details! Emotions are separate than a feeling. Is a feeling the aftermath of an emotion? Which comes first? Chicken? Egg? What happen's if you have many at once? Is there any way to control one and therefore controlling the other?

Emotion is complex, and the term has no single universally accepted definition. Emotions are mental states that arise spontaneously, rather than through conscious effort. It is unclear whether animals or all human beings experience emotion. Emotions are physical expressions, often involuntary, related to feelings, perceptions or beliefs about elements, objects or relations between them, in reality or in the imagination. The study of emotions is part of psychology, neuroscience, and, more recently, artificial intelligence.

Also, I have been very much aware that I have little control over my emotions sometimes. I have been attempting to actually note when I am reacting and loaded with emotions, to someone or a situation. More often than not, it is something that has taken control of me without permission. I make my meager attempts to control them, but much to my dismay, though i think i have got them nailed down, they evad my tactics time and time again! I am now starting to amke sense of the emotion vs. the feeling, though i don't an easy time at hiding either.

Emotion is sometimes regarded as the antithesis of reason.

This is funny to me because I consider my seeking the definition of emotion to be very reasonable... likely why when I am operating in an emotional capacity, I get a heaviness in my stomach, giving me cramps of an indignant nature. My logic is constantly asking me for the opportunity to follow-through on a lead, while my emotions make decisions without consultation from my brain.

Emotions can be undesired to the individual feeling them; he or she may wish to control but often cannot. Thus one of the most distinctive, and perhaps challenging, facts about human beings is this potential for entanglement, or even opposition, between will, emotion, and reason.

Does this play a role in the Nature vs. Nurture battle? Are people born with a certain set of emotions and feelings or do they grow as we do? We know babies certainly have personalities from the moment of cenception, later in life offering differing opinions from those of their parents or 'nurturers'. Are emotions strictly learned? and how do we know what feeling goes with it? How do we know what 'feels' good to our spiritual self? Are there statistics on what and when people feel or emote?

According to Book Two of Aristotle's Rhetoric
The emotions are:
Anger vs. Calmness
Love vs. Enmity
Fear vs. Confidence
Shame vs. Shamelessness
Kindness vs. Unkindness
Pity
Indignation
Envy

Funny how envy is also a sin... What are the 'grey' areas with emotions? Is it like a palette of colour where the more you mix in the more vibrant it becomes and create new emotions? Is this what we are limited to? I see no happiness, is it therefore a feeling, not an emotion?

I suppose we can only really define emotions as we experience them for ourselves... creating our own terminology and jargon for each, adding them to our own colour pallette, and just leanring how to adapt around these 'spontaneous' creatures of free will.

My backyard...

Last week I took this image into my local photo studio for enlargement, and my dreams did not come true - apparently they were unable to find the file on the disk! I ended up getting the enlargement created for free because it was not ready at the listed time - and apparently the 'weekend crew' couldn't find their heads anyway...
I'm thrilled that I have this image in supersized format. I have recently changed the photos on my fridge, and on my book shelves to reflect more of what I'm feeling right now - and for whom. Many of my family are there, and now more of my family - even one of my brother, who still, after 8 years of my living in Hamilton, has not once come to visit! But that's another story for another day...

I have friends travelling, working overseas, and 'seeing the world' (check out Jane's Aussie Adventure), and some days all I can think about is going to visit my family. I never realized how much they do mean to me until I moved away and didn't have the option of seeing them everyday. Somedays I wish I could just be brave enough to pick up and go somewhere else in this expansive world for a while to work and live... but alas, we should always be careful of what we wish for.

I just thought I share a few of these images of my world - Boxing Day snowfall 2005:

Where I grew up.

Where I still call home.

Where a piece of my heart will always be.

If experience in life has taught me anything...

I have learned to be kind and calm.
I am fairly positive this is one of the many things I have learned, or inherited, from my mother.
Last week, I had salad dressing spilled on me by a busser at a restaurant. Instead of over-reacting immediately (like I have been known to do in the past), I managed to be cool about the situation, adjust myself to deal with the issue in a more appropriate manner than negatively fed anger, and call the manager a few days later. For my control I was rewarded - kindness can have so much power. In an effort to ease my issue with dry cleaning my down coat, I was extended a gift certificate for a dinner for two for a value of $35.00.
One thing to note: As kind and calm as my mother may be, she generally doesn't allow herself (or her family) to get walked on by anyone. As days goes by, I realize I am similar my mother in many ways, and I also realize, I very much like her as a person.
I am not sure if it is because I am growing up that I am becoming more similar to her, or perhaps I am finally accepting, in some way, that I always have been similar to her.
Perhaps I just need to get used to it.
I love her. I just wish she wasn’t so gosh darn camera shy!
Happy International Women’s Day-Week-Month!

Registering for the next phase of my life

So about 2 weeks ago I decided that I needed to get me some new educ-ma-cation to one-up everyone else out there (at least in Southern Ontario) who might potentially be applying for the same jobs as I would like to have in the near future.

I went online today to register for Continuing Education at Mohawk College to procure my Event Planning Techniques certificate. I figure if I can get at least 3 courses fit into my busy summer, I have the potential to finish the program by this time next spring. Last week I completed a one evening course towards my Certificate - "Display Fireworks and Indoor Pyrotechnics"... it wasn't exactly what I thought it was going to be (thus no live fire power), however, it was a good way to ease myself back into a learning curve.

In total, I will be taking 11 courses from now to 2007, and hopefully not be entirely broke at the end of it all. I'm excited, and a little nervous, but overall I think it will help me so much in the long run and help me get off my arse and find a new job! I guess I could be like my first class...inside and outside I am ready to explode and ready to go put on a show!

One other good thing: As much as I want out of WAHC (www.wahc-museum.ca) for a number of reasons, there are a few perks I am completely willing to take advantage of before I go... such as copious amounts of vacation time which will allow me too attend and participate in the weddings of my close friends over the next few months, and WAHC's commitment to professional development - show me the money - honey!!!

These are a few of my favourite things...

So those of you that know me, know I am involved in music such things on an ongoing basis.
I do a weekly radio show on C101.5FM (www.myspace.com/xx_show), I am a volunteer PR person for a small indie label based out of a small town north of Toronto called Mushroom Productions (www.mushroomproductions.com), and I enjoy going out to check out bands and singer/songwriters and all such creatures whenever I get the chance.
This past weekend I went with my Mushroom boys down to the Big Smoke and took in some of Canadian Music Week.
Here (to the left) you can see Nina playing violin for 'Still Life Still' (http://www.purevolume.com/stilllifestill) - young kids & super ambitious - you know they have a supreme chance at making it.
And to the right, you can catch a glimpe of Lily Frost (http://www.lilyfrost.com/) at the Aporia Records showcase. Lily is pregnant, and glowing, and lovely as ever, and I was thrilled that she recognized me after only really speaking with her a few times when she has been in Hamilton to perform.
Also, I had the chance to connect with another Aporia Records person: Pernille. What a haunting and glorious voice. She is based in Denmark, and has worked with a number of people to create a wonderful sound that I cannot wait to play on XX. (http://www.aporia-records.com/pernille.html)
Some of the other groups I got the chance to see:
~ Inward Eye
~ The Fembots
~ Great Lake Swimmers
~ The Parkas

The mystery guy I'm dating...

This is Mike. We have been 'seeing each other' for several months. He is handsome. I had a blast near North Bay in the cold - about the only true taste I actually had of winter this year, so it would seem. After the fireworks and champagne at midnight, we went for a walk on the frozen lake. It was cold, but amazing! I had a great weekend.

Highlights:
~ Fireworks
~ Getting to know Bre and Rob better
~ Champange
~ Ice fishing huts
~ Small hill tobogganing
~ Getting to know Mike better
~ Our crazy host, Henry, who looks like a viking

The first, but not the last...

This is the first of my postings to my brand spankin' new blog. I can't say I am a fan of the word blog. It does not have a nice ring to it. Not very articulate of it...

I hope you enjoy my blog as the year goes on... I have a busy '06, with weddings, personal projects, and potential.

Stay tuned.